


Some Things Are Best Left Unsaid (Seriously)

by RunawayDeviant



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Multi, Steve is oblivious until he isn't, The Author Regrets Everything, This came to me and I'm not sure I like it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-13
Updated: 2013-05-13
Packaged: 2017-12-11 17:40:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/801363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RunawayDeviant/pseuds/RunawayDeviant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternate title: "Why Steve Will Never Open His Mouth At Dinner Again".</p>
<p>Steve thinks his team are getting along quite well. This doesn't mean he wants to know <i>how</i> well they're getting on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Some Things Are Best Left Unsaid (Seriously)

Steve had been very proud of the speed at which his team became a proper unit. On Thor's return from Asgard, thankfully without brother in tow, they had all been called back together and stationed in New York with Stark Tower as their base of operations. With nary a snag, they had all started cohabitating like they'd been living together for years.

Various friends and girlfriends - namely, Thor and Tony's friends and girlfriends - had been introduced to the group and promptly accepted as honorary team members (Darcy had tased Thor, which more than merited the position). Steve was proud to say that, for the most part, his friends and teammates were all well-behaved and well-mannered and got along with the ease that usually only belonged to those who had been close for a long time.

Bruce had, obviously, been the first to warm up to the situation; he'd been living in the tower already for almost two months when the rest of the team all descended upon it, and so already had a comfortable routine there.

Thor - and Jane too - were close second, becoming completely comfortable with their new surrounding in less than three weeks. Jane took to teaching Thor how to use the ridiculously extra-function-filled appliances, and Tony indulgently helped out when even Jane became stumped over the toaster that had a knob with twenty settings. Or the grill that was probably capable of producing a fusion reaction in the kitchen.

Steve thought himself well-adjusted, for the most part (and if he often tagged along for "Modern Appliances 101", no one said anything).

Natasha and Clint took marginally longer, but given that they were SHIELD agents - and considering Clint's tendency to hang out in the ceiling - it was understandable.

Sadly, the group were sometimes not as mature as Steve would wish them to be; Tony and Clint had started a new game of late. They called it "flipping birds", but all Steve saw was the two of them making obscene hand gestures at each other across the room, the dance floor, the function centre, the street and, on one memorable occasion, while falling from the hundredth floor of a building as the Iron Man armour raced to encase Tony and Thor took flight to save Clint from certain splattery.

It all came to a head when they were having dinner one night, all of them seated calmly, and Clint looked down at his soup and burst out laughing. Two seats down and across the table, Tony grinned and high-fived Pepper, who simply smiled.

"That," Clint said once he'd recovered enough to talk, "was true genius."

"I'm somewhat afraid to ask," Bruce murmured, "but what just happened?"

"Tony birdy flipped me via reflections in the soup, a mirror on the ceiling, the window and a mirror under the table," Clint said with a smirk that Tony returned with obvious glee.

"I shouldn't be surprised that you managed to figure out where all the reflectors were in one go, should I?" he asked.

Bruce and Jane were now trying to figure out where the mirrors would have had to have gone for the angle to be just right to hit Clint's soup.

Steve was frowning sternly.

"Seriously, guys, we're trying to eat here. Could the two of you stop fingering each other for ten minutes?"

Bruce suddenly choked on his own saliva and Thor, sitting next to him, beat him heartily on the back in an attempt to help out.

Tony and Clint, on the other hand, just shared a look and started communicating with a series of eyebrow wiggles, waggles and undulations which made Steve uncomfortable in more ways than one. He was suddenly very certain that he'd said something inappropriate completely by accident.

"What do you think, Pep?" Tony asked his girlfriend without looking at her, still waging eyebrow war with Clint, "Does this new avenue, suggested by Captain America himself, interest you at all?"

"I don't know," Pepper said, in what Steve was sure was a falsely thoughtful manner.

"He's good with his hands," Natasha put in, smirking.

Tony all but sprung out of his chair at this pronouncement and pointed at the doorway; "Avengers assemble. In my bedroom. Immediately," he ordered, and grabbed Pepper. The two of them, closely trailed by Clint, were out of the room in less than five seconds. Natasha looked at the doorway thoughtfully, before rising and following at a more sedate pace.

Thor and Jane shared a look, before rising as one and heading for the door.

This left Bruce, who was quietly laughing into his glass, and Steve, who looked - and felt - as though he might cry.

"What did I just do?" he asked despairingly, putting his head in his hands.

Bruce huffed a louder laugh; "It's not your fault, don't worry about it," he said consolingly, though the effect was ruined when he continued, "Tony and Pepper have been scheming for months on how to get Clint and Natasha into bed with them."

"What?" he did not squeak, "Why would they- I-"

"Well Thor has zero problems about it, and apparently Jane is open to that kind of thing as well," the physicist said with a shrug, "but who the hell knows with Clint. I think Natasha was the one they were really worried about. No telling _how_ she'd react if she disapproved. Apparently she didn't."

"Why do I get the feeling that everyone is in on this... _thing_... but me?" Steve breathed, and Bruce's spoon paused halfway to his mouth.

"I've had an open invitation to their bedroom since about week three of living here," he replied, and Steve just stared at him. "I'm just going to give you a heads up now; you're next."

Bruce stood then, and looked at the plethora of half-full bowls with a displeased twist to his lips; "You couldn't have waited until later to say that, though?" he mumbled, "Now I have to clean everything up."

He started gathering up the various dishes and bits of cutlery, and was finished transferring everything to the kitchen by the time Steve's brain rebooted and he stood up too; "I'll help," he said quietly, and Bruce handed himself a dish towel.

"I wash, you dry," he said. Steve nodded mutely.

After a solid five minutes in peace, Bruce calmly said, "You _are_ going to end up in that room at some point."

Steve whimpered.

"You may never go back, but one day you'll get curious and go. I warn you now; Pepper bites."

Steve placed the plate he was drying back in the rack and sat on the floor, curling in on himself.

"I'm sorry, was that too much information for right now?" Bruce asked mildly. Steve remained silent and the scientist shrugged. He finished cleaning by himself, before heading for the staircase humming some song Steve didn't know.

Steve did not want to think about where Bruce was going.

Or what he was doing there.

Steve did not move from his spot for a very long time.


End file.
